yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
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We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
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I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You are a genius and a whore.
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