Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
bring money and cleavage
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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