Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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