is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
