were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
