What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
