giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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