I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
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Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
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I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Text me some of your sweat
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