Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
