k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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