I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
