New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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