You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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