I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
