Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
