if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
