you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
