Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
