my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
