i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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