All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
