Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
