Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
