Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
