I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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