dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
