Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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