Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
