At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
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