and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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