My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
