whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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