so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
