I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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