I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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