Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
