idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
