is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
