I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
