there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
