He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
