i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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