Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
