Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
