I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
