he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Houston, we have a blender
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
