i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
