I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
