Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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