The police scanner is talking about you again....
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
