She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
