I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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