i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
