I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
