I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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