My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
