she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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