If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
