Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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