y did u give ur computer a hand job?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
