You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
