hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
