i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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