I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
