just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
