Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
