Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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