Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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