I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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