I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
