Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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