I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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