Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Randomize
