He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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