she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
