He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
