Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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