I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
