im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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