how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
