you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
