shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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