i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
