oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
