I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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