On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
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She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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