Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
